Youth Sports Confidence: Why “Just Be Confident” Can Hurt Your Athlete
- Jeff Becker
- Jan 29
- 2 min read
Learn how parents can build youth sports confidence without adding pressure. Tips for helping your child navigate emotions, stay consistent, and perform their best.
When “Just Be Confident” Creates More Pressure for Your Athlete
Most parents mean well when they say things like:
“Just be confident.”
“You’ve got this.”
“Stop overthinking it.”
It sounds supportive, encouraging even. But for many athletes, it actually creates more pressure.
When a parent says “just be confident,” the athlete often hears something very different:
Why “Just Be Confident” Backfires
When a parent says “just be confident,” the athlete often hears something very different:
“I should not feel nervous right now.”
“I should not feel frustrated or unsure.”
“Something is wrong with me if I do.”
Instead of feeling empowered, this creates an emotional tug of war inside their head. One part of them is feeling nervous or uncertain. Another part is telling them they are not supposed to feel that way. Now they are not only playing their sport—they are fighting themselves.
This internal conflict is exhausting and shows up as inconsistency, hesitation, or shutting down.
Confidence Is Not the Absence of Emotion
What actually helps athletes is understanding this truth:
You do not have to feel confident to perform confidently.
Confidence doesn’t come from forcing emotions away. It comes from knowing what to do when emotions are present.
Nerves, frustration, and doubt are normal, especially in competitive environments. High-level athletes feel them all the time. The difference is that confident athletes never feel uncomfortable. It is that they have a process to return to when those feelings show up.
When an athlete knows what their next action is, emotions lose their control.
Focus on Process Over Feelings
Instead of focusing on how your athlete feels, help them focus on what they do.
Helpful questions for youth athletes:
What is your next responsibility?
What does your routine look like right now?
What is one controllable thing you can lock into?
This shifts the brain from emotion to execution. When athletes are allowed to feel without being corrected emotionally, they stop fighting themselves. Their energy goes back into the game. Performance becomes more consistent because it is not dependent on mood or confidence levels in that moment.
Feeling Understood Builds Confidence Faster
One of the fastest ways confidence grows is when an athlete feels understood rather than fixed.
Supportive statements from parents include:
“I get why you’re frustrated.”
“That moment was tough. What’s your reset?”
“It’s okay to feel nervous. Stick to your process.”
When athletes feel emotionally validated and then guided back to their process, trust builds, and self-trust builds. Confidence follows naturally.
The Takeaway for Parents
Your athlete does not need you to make their emotions disappear. They need you to help them navigate through them.
Let them feel.
Guide them to their process.
Watch confidence grow the right way.